SEX ACCORDING TO MAÏA
Let me start this Sunday with a confession: The sex columnist that I am has had better results. My field of activity, usually cheerful, has been shaken for a month by two inevitable events: the Mazan rape trial, extensive, overwhelming, and the femicide in the Philippines, hyper-mediatized, hyper-politicized. The first drama questions the tranquility of women within their homes, the second revives the fear of the unknown. To be interested in current events is to see the couple, sexuality, and male-female relationships reduced to a battlefield, with no possibility of retreat, since apparently we are not safe either at home or anywhere else.
In such a context, how can we wish? How to trust? How to let go? Feminists have taught us that the intimate is political: very good, but when the political is terrifying, what is left of the intimate? To avoid falling into depression, I offer you some lifelines…
to reassure
Let’s get this straight: the Mazan rape affair is enough to make even the most trusting wife, established in the strongest partner, paranoid. Here we are faced with crimes inaccessible to our memory, committed at night, by an improvised male fraternity, united by secrecy, accused aptly described as “ordinary men.” If these crimes were inflicted on a woman without incident, why not you and why not me? If it was easy to recruit dozens of rapists, in such a small geographic area, how could you not doubt the men in your town, on your street, in your house?
The doubt exists. Even infinitely. However, nothing fuels doubt better than silence (which could be mistaken for something unsaid). I know very well that it must be unpleasant for a man to be associated with suspected criminals… but, in fact, this is the perfect opportunity to set the record straight. During the explosion of the metoo movement, a certain number of women were surprised by the discretion of men: if you missed the train, now you can catch it up. It is not necessary to make analyzes or great speeches: it is enough to show solidarity with the victim.
Protecting your mental health
Rape culture, chemical submission, systemic violence: the media currently bombards us with extremely negative vocabulary, because the news requires it (and because we have to call a spade a spade). This accumulation is not without consequences: our brain works by associating ideas, and when the field of sexuality is constantly associated with the field of aggression, we run the risk of forgetting that, for the majority, sexuality is a matter of desire and pleasure. . Therefore, I recommend that you be careful with the amount of sordid details that you are capable of incorporating each day. But do we really have to immerse ourselves in negative content right before going to bed?
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