I CH will soon be in the middle of the 60th week, and I am actually the one who celebrates birthdays or not and always considered it as ordinary life in the middle of the week. But this birthday requires something else – there can be no speech from Mitte. And this applies completely.
This birthday cannot be ignored. He actively challenges me, and I mean that he seems to act independently: for example, sending me dreams that are very unpleasant, knowledge with the wooden hammer method – I wake up and should no longer spend time analyzing the dream, but just think: devil, Alca, this is true, this is true.
He seems to play with me, on this birthday, sixty.
It seems that he plays with me, on this birthday, from the fact that my dirt is like a puppy of dogs, and at the same time allows me to meet the blind spots of my life, as if I had an old woman who got into the ball with memories.
This is not only and always painful, because it contributes to clarity, but it should never be understood that I welcome these ideas and teach, like a wise old woman softly. On the contrary: I feel more like a teenager whose view of his life is like life in a kaleidoscope, in which countless colorful particles are confused again and again – only that the teenager looks into the future, and I was in the past. As I said, there can be no doubt from the middle.
But it does not matter. In the end, fortunately, six decades, obviously, stabilized me so far that I can endure such a confusion today. And in some way this feeling of a teenager is very funny, because it is so unexpected! In any case, I would never expect that I am again 60 years old – still? – To the questions, what should I do with the rest of my life? How do I want to live?
I do it
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Do you know what? Today, almost 60, I have no answers to these questions, as I have at 16. And it does not matter either. Because I have, after which this 60th birthday with its strange life is shampoos, that is, trust, as well as self -confidence.
Yes, I find the lifestyle of a kaleidoscope, embarrassed myself, but let me try again: if life is a kaleidoscope, then you cannot move it on your own and, of course, not to fix it, and then just work to just recreate the sample that you liked the most. Because it moves on its own – this is life.
So, you, show me my 60th place in my dreams, you made: used this chance, let it go unnoticed, you were good, because an asshole, you made these mistakes, and sometimes made smart decisions rather than from a long -term plan. And I understand that life, similar to my 60th anniversary, also has its own life. It takes me with him, it pushes me, it sometimes emphasizes me, sometimes I like it – and I do it. I live, and the mistakes that I make usually forgive me at some moment.
This is a good feeling, a good gift that makes my upcoming birthday in its embarrassing independent path. Calming. About somehow. Or, at least, as I, as a teenager, always imagined an adult life – just much more exciting.
